Issue #1

    The Grime Syndicate

    Five repeat offenders. One owner-operator. Jacksonville, Florida.

    Every house in Northeast Florida has a suspect. Humidity feeds one, takeout feeds another, and the renovation you finally finished left a third behind the baseboards.

    Tesa Prescott has met all five. She is bonded, insured, and entirely unimpressed by any of them.

    Download Issue #1 (PDF)Get a free estimate

    The rogues gallery

    Five chapters. Five suspects.

    Each chapter ends the same way — with the service that beats the villain in it.

    Chapter One: Damp Ambitions

    Madame Mildew

    Illustration of Madame Mildew, the mildew villain

    She was born in a shower nobody bothered to squeegee.

    1. Panel 1DRIP!

      Nine straight Jacksonville summers. One bathroom fan nobody ever switched on.

    2. Panel 2

      She started small — a shadow in the grout, a freckle on the caulk line.

    3. Panel 3CREEEAK

      By August she had the shower door, the ceiling corner and the bath mat under contract.

    4. Panel 4

      The homeowner scrubbed with a supermarket spray. Madame Mildew laughed in humidity.

    5. Panel 5SCRUB!

      Then a deep clean arrived: grout lines scoured, seals treated, air moving again.

    How it ends

    Deep cleaning strips her territory back to the tile. Keep the fan running and she has nowhere to move in.

    Weakness: Deep Cleaning

    Chapter Two: The Break Room Coup

    Baron von Grime

    Illustration of Baron von Grime, the grease villain

    One coffee ring on a Monday desk. That is all it took.

    1. Panel 1

      He arrived as a spill somebody promised to wipe up after the meeting.

    2. Panel 2SPLAT!

      By Wednesday the microwave door was his. By Friday, the keyboards had surrendered.

    3. Panel 3

      Staff stopped eating at their desks. Nobody could say exactly why.

    4. Panel 4HISSS

      The Baron thrives on skipped touchpoints and half-hearted wipe-downs.

    5. Panel 5SHINE!

      A proper office clean took the counters, the appliances and every handle he held.

    How it ends

    Office cleaning on a schedule leaves him no surface to colonise. The break room smells like a break room again.

    Weakness: Office Cleaning

    Chapter Three: Long Live Nobody

    The Dust Bunny King

    Illustration of The Dust Bunny King, the dust villain

    He crowned himself the day the drywall dust settled.

    1. Panel 1POOF!

      The contractors packed up at four. His kingdom was fully staffed by five.

    2. Panel 2

      Subjects gathered under every bed, behind every fresh baseboard, inside every vent.

    3. Panel 3

      Sweep once and the court simply reassembled overnight.

    4. Panel 4WHUMP!

      Post-construction dust is fine enough to hide in the paint and the air alike.

    5. Panel 5CLEAR!

      HEPA vacuuming, wet wiping and a top-down pass emptied the throne room.

    How it ends

    Post-construction cleanup ends the dynasty — including the fine dust a household vacuum only redistributes.

    Weakness: Post-Construction Cleanup

    Chapter Four: The Haunted Move-Out

    The Clutter Poltergeist

    Illustration of The Clutter Poltergeist, the clutter villain

    He woke up inside a moving truck and never fully left.

    1. Panel 1THUD!

      Boxes nobody packed. Cables nobody bought. Scuffs nobody remembers making.

    2. Panel 2

      He drifts from address to address, one forgotten closet at a time.

    3. Panel 3

      Landlords call it a deposit dispute. We know exactly who is responsible.

    4. Panel 4SWOOSH

      Empty rooms are his favourite haunt — every mark shows on a bare wall.

    5. Panel 5SPOTLESS!

      Inside cabinets, appliances, baseboards and blinds: cleaned, checked, handed over.

    How it ends

    A move-in / move-out clean sends him drifting off and the keys change hands spotless.

    Weakness: Move-In / Move-Out Cleaning

    Chapter Five: The Truce

    The Fur Phantom

    Illustration of The Fur Phantom, the pet-fur villain

    A very good dog, and a very persistent haunting.

    1. Panel 1

      He is beloved. He is also on every cushion in the house, permanently.

    2. Panel 2FLOOF!

      Fur travels: the couch, the rug, the stair edge, the one black jacket you own.

    3. Panel 3

      Vacuum on Monday and the haunting is fully restored by Thursday.

    4. Panel 4SWEEP!

      Recurring visits catch the shed before it works its way into the fibres.

    5. Panel 5PEACE!

      Nobody was rehomed. The Phantom keeps the couch; the fur does not keep the house.

    How it ends

    Recurring standard cleaning keeps the truce: he stays fluffy, your sofa stays presentable.

    Weakness: Recurring Standard Cleaning

    Which one is in your house?

    Tell us what you are up against and we will send a free estimate within one business day. Standard Clean starts at $250 before discounts.

    Get a free estimateDownload Issue #1 (PDF)

    Back to the homepage